Respected at work. Disconnected at home?
The Weather Maker is a guide for husbands and fathers who want to feel more present, connected and engaged in their family life, starting with how they show up.
Join the first readers and I'll send you the first pages today, plus a note every few weeks and first word on the free live sessions.
The book comes out in January 2027. Emails every few weeks. You can leave any time.
By Todd Sarner, licensed marriage and family therapist: 23 years as a parenting coach, 17 as a psychotherapist, and the author of The Calm & Connected Parent.
Is this you?
You are good at what you do and people respect you for it. At home, something you can't quite name has gone quiet.
Maybe it's you and your wife living more like roommates. Maybe it's your kids drifting toward screens and away from you. Maybe it's the feeling that you're running on autopilot in your own life. You have already tried harder: more helpful, more patient, more agreeable. It hasn't changed the house.
This is for men who are married or partnered, with kids at home, and established in their work. It is not for a marriage in acute crisis; that needs couples therapy first. And it is not a set of tactics for managing your wife or winning arguments. It is for a good man who was never handed the right map.
One ordinary evening, one move.
From Chapter 5, on the small ways your wife and kids reach for you. That is how the book works: an honest question, then one move to make that week.
She walks into the kitchen while you are on your phone, says something small, and waits for you to look up.
You don't look up. Not because you don't care, but because you are finishing something and you'll get to her in a second. She leaves the room. Moments like that are where a marriage goes quiet, one at a time.
Look up. Make eye contact. Say "I see you," and mean it. Then notice what it is like to be the man who is reachable instead of the man who is efficient. That is the whole practice for one week. It is small on purpose.
Safety and desire are not the same thing, and being nicer only builds one of them.
Most men who feel like roommates have been trying harder at safety for years, being more helpful, more agreeable, more patient, and wondering why nothing warms up. That effort isn't wasted. It's just aimed at one of the two things a marriage runs on.
The other one comes from a man with a center: his own direction, his own opinions, something he is reaching for besides her approval. Not louder, not harder, and not in charge of her. A man who knows what he is for. The book shows you how to find that again, and it is work on your side only.
A small group of men started the first Weather Maker group in September.
Nobody's name or story goes on this page. But here is what they came in with, in plain words.
Knowing what to do and not doing it in the moment.
The pressure of being the one who provides, and carrying it alone.
Walking in the door already spent, so the family gets what's left.
Pleasing instead of saying what they need.
Nobody ever showed them how.
If some of that is familiar, this is for you.
A Father's Guide to Transforming His Marriage, His Family, and Himself
Nineteen chapters in five acts, written as one man's journey: the call, the initiation, the husband, the father, and the return. It is a developmental map grounded in attachment, not a pep talk and not a list of tactics. The first men to read it are working through it with me this fall.
The First Readers
The men on this list see the book before anyone else, and they don't wait until January to start.
Join, and I'll send you the first pages of The Weather Maker today.
You'll get the first pages right away. After that, an email from me every few weeks: a piece of the book, a session, or something from the work. No daily emails. You can leave any time.
Three free live sessions on LinkedIn this fall (November 10, December 1 and December 15, noon Pacific), where I teach the whole model. The list hears first and gets the practice sheet from each one.
In late November, a limited number of advance copies of the whole book, for men on this list who want to read it before it's out and tell me what they think. The first pages go to everyone; the advance copies are limited.
When the book comes out in January, the first chance to order it, and the first look at the group that starts in February.
I have heard her side.
I'm Todd Sarner, a licensed marriage and family therapist. I have been a parenting coach for 23 years and a psychotherapist for 17. The men I have worked with include CEOs, athletes and people in the public eye, and at home they were up against the same things you are.
My work with parents and children is grounded in my training with the leading developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld; I later served on the faculty of the Neufeld Institute. My couples work comes from several years in Dr. Stan Tatkin's Bay Area training group, an externship with Dr. Sue Johnson, and a year of advanced training with her protégée, Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen. What that adds up to is simple: I have sat on the parent side of the room and the couples side of the room for a long time, and I know how the two connect. I wrote The Calm & Connected Parent, which is about what a parent does. The Weather Maker is about who the father is.
A lot of men's work only ever hears the man's side. I have heard hers, hundreds of times, from the other chair. And I know the pattern from the inside: for a long time my own answer at home was to do more and do more, hoping that would be enough.
Todd Sarner, MFT
Working with me
There are two ways to work with me beyond the book: a ninety-day intensive, and an ongoing group for men who have done the intensive and want to keep going. I also work one on one with a small number of men. Everything is online. There is no application and no sales call. It starts with a conversation, and I am the one who reads it and writes back.
The intensive
The book is the map. Ninety days, online: a small group of men works through its material together, with me, live every week, and each man carries a short daily practice into his own house. The first group is doing this with me now. The first open intensive starts in February 2027, and the list hears first. Men who finish it can continue in the ongoing group.
One-on-one
I work with a small number of men individually. Same door: it starts with a conversation, and we decide together whether this is the right fit and the right time.
On Instagram
Short pieces on the moments at home that don't run on logic.
Todd Sarner, MFT. Attachment Solutions Press.